I know you guys "love" this stuff, so here's a little bio-dad and stepmom update:
Ok, so Tuesday the 7th, about 430p, this email came to me: "Just wondering if school photos were in yet, which reminded me that I have yet to receive a Halloween photo or Santa photo from you yet this year, which you had previously promised to send. Also, remind me again what size M******* wears, she said 14/16 but apparently that was incorrect. Any other ideas on what she might like for Christmas?- M***"
I responded with, "1. Your school photos, et al, were sent in today's mail. 2. She & I both told you she wears a 10 (although she's now getting into a 12) in pants, and a 16 in shirts. She does NOT like tights nor long-sleeved shirts, and loves peace symbols & (still) girly skulls. She no longer likes pink unless it's dark/hot pink; preferring blue. However, she has more than enough clothing & shoes as it is... The only thing on her wish list that we are not already giving her is a DQ Blizzard Maker and a peace-symbol Snuggie. She also loves books & music, so an Amazon gift card would be nice, as then she can buy just the songs she wants (so she can download them onto her MP3 player)."
He then called her that night (after close to three weeks without a peep), and she had to tell him about her concert on Thursday (his response: "Oh, good. Now I can come!"). She also let it slip that she has a wish list, and he asked her to have me send it to him. I told her no; I had already sent him a small list, and I was pretty sure he'd be irritated by the fact that her wish list is under one of her nicknames with my married last name. She agreed.
Sometime in between the email I got and the one I sent, SM changed their joint profile to read, "We love sharing the reason for the season,with our friends and family.God teaches us True Love &without knowing his love,you cannot truly know or give love. Learn about God's love this year, learn how to love others & start living a meaningful life!" <<-- aimed at my non-believer ways, no doubt (hypocrite, much?).
Wednesday morning, I changed my profile to read, "I find it amusing to be cyber-lectured on religion by the woman who was my ex's mistress. Religious agendas have no place in our lives. Giving is the reason for the season. Start paying down debts owed, & start living a meaningful life!"
About 2 minutes later, I got another email from her, "Thank you for the pictures, we received them today, however there were no pictures of Halloween or Santa , when will you be sending them. Additionally, I would like to remind you that M*******'s last name is G*******, not K****, please adjust all registrations to reflect her legal given name. Thank you- M***"
You're going to love my response... "Until she is 18, I would need M***'s written permission to legally change her name; I obviously have not done so. If she chooses to use K****, or G*******-K****, in any non-legal avenue, that choice is hers to make." All of this, of course, forwarded or BCC'd to my attorney.
Thursday was her Winter Concert (the one she told him about Tuesday night?)... guess who didn't show? Yeah... Friday morning, I was informed that their joint profile is gone. As in "this profile does not exist". At that point, I didn't know if she had deleted it or just made it private; I didn't find out for sure until sent another email (after sending yahoo to yahoo, there's a screen that shows all the profile updates of those you sent the email to).
Then, Friday afternoon, she sent my attorney an email (signed with BD's name, of course)... You're gonna love this: "M***- I am sure you can see how it is clearly unlawful to change my daughters name in any legal or non-legal manner and as such such not be encouraged, but in fact prohibited in every manner by your client. I have been made aware of several instances where D*** is referring to M******* (our daughter) as M******* (or C*****) K****. Please advise her to immediately change all references, registrations, and the like to reflect M*******'s legal name; M******* G*******.This is to include all sports and extracurricular activity registrations. As a reminder, your client should of course be notifying me of all such registrations within 30 days of doing so, and failure to do so is a violation of our parenting time order. Thank you, M****** G*******"
M*** then forwarded it to me, along with: "How do you want me to respond?..." Basically telling me I was right; she can be known by any name she wants, but all legal avenues must have her real name. Um, duh? Oh, and really??? "...a violation of our parenting time order."??!!? What about not paying child support? What about not paying any of the attorney fees? What about not paying your 1/2 of her medical bills? Take me to court... go ahead! I'd love to see the judge bring down the gauntlet on him.
My response to M*** was: "...Her school, her afterschool activities, her sports, and the like are always under "M******* G*******"; always have been, probably always will be. I don't think this warrants any response except, perhaps, that the only existing order regarding this matter only states I cannot change her LEGAL/GIVEN name. I clearly have not done that. -d-"
Then, yesterday morning, I had to send an email to BD about Princess doing basketball. Even though she made "their joint profile" unavailable to the public, as soon as I sent the FYI email, I saw her update, "Some people really are idiots! Christ is the reason for the seaon, thats why its called Christmas. But if giving is the reason, then why not give your daughter her father. You know nothing of giving, only TAKING!"
Stupid Christians are the worst kind... I'm sure you, my readers/friends, know the truth; Jesus was not born in December (I think the current belief is that he was born in the spring). "Christmas" was originally a pagan holiday, celebrating the rebirth of the sun ("yule" or "winter solstice"), and the Christians STOLE it. Regardless, I've said it before and I'll say it again: continually playing the victim will not get you the results you want.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Friday, November 19, 2010
Parental Units
Since I was 6 yo, I've referred to my dad & stepmom as "my parents". It didn't occur to me that I confused people when I talked about them that way. I know now, of course, that the usual first impression is that parents = mom & dad. Well, that wasn't the case in my house... in the technical sense of the word, anyway.
My mother & father split when I had just turned 6, and my father was given custody. Dad had steady income, a stable household, and was emotionally better able to take care of five children. When my future stepmom moved in with her own baby girl, my mother had 90% removed herself from our lives, and I started referring to my stepmom as "mommy".
For you to understand a little more about me, you have to understand how I was raised. My stepmom was the primary caregiver & female role-model in my life. I was raised in a two-parent household (there were actually three different homes before I moved out); a stable, secure, loving home where we had chores, and rules, and friends felt comfortable. A home where I was taught how to change my own oil, clean a toilet, and cook a meal.
Spending time with my mother was so infrequent that it was more like a mini vacation -- dinners at nice restaurants, movies in the theater, trips to the mall for clothes, etc... My parents were the ones who came to my school events, conferences, practices, recitals, and games. My parents were the ones who helped with homework, and taught me how to care for myself & others. I preferred my "real life" to any time spent with my mother, and always looked forward to going back home.
When my mama was diagnosed with rectal cancer a couple years ago, I broke down crying. Obviously she's been the only woman in my life who's always been there for me, and her life was threatened... I was scared. Two summers ago, after her first round of treatment, and after she'd had some time to recover (and other family had come & gone for a visit), Ace and I went out there for five days. I had to see for myself that she was going to live; that I wasn't going to lose my mama any time soon.
I firmly believe that without her, my dad would not last long. I think with her diagnosis came that realization for dad, too, and he started to reevaluate. He put the campground on the market, and decided it was time to slow down. The campground hasn't sold yet, but part of his rental business did. They also started planning a trip out west.
Earlier this month, they flew from South Dakota to the tri-cities to visit T, D, Bug, & Firefly for a few days. Then, I got them for three & a half days. They went from here to northern California for a visit with DW, JH, and JH's fam (&, I think, got to meet DW's bf, J), then returned home. Over Xmas, they'll be visiting my 97 1/2 yo grandmother in Texas.
I've lived in this house almost 11 years, and they've never been here. The last time they were in my area was when MG & I were married (August of 1998); they were in southern Oregon in 2007 for T & D's wedding, too... That's a long time to be away from a growing area. Part of their visit included a little tour; a few things were still the same, but most had changed. Two that stood out for them -- the fairgrounds had a lot less trees, AND our old house had been remodeled, half the lot was sold & built on, and it's now for sale!
But, this trip was probably the most relaxed I've seen them in a long time. Dad took full advantage of my 60" flat-screen (& mildly irritating me with his non-stop FOXNEWS - haha), and mama was perfectly happy chatting, shopping, running errands, cooking with Princess, and just being part of our everyday lives for a few days.
Comments of note: "I love watching this." "Watching what?" "Just you guys... the way you are... it's nice." Then, later, "You guys are raising a pretty cool kid; and she's smart too! We all know what side of the family that comes from, huh?" Princess also noticed just how much I'm like my dad... his little sayings, some of his mannerisms, and some personality quirks. What I noticed is that if you flip the parentage, her upbringing is almost an exact replica of mine... and that's a good thing.
My mother & father split when I had just turned 6, and my father was given custody. Dad had steady income, a stable household, and was emotionally better able to take care of five children. When my future stepmom moved in with her own baby girl, my mother had 90% removed herself from our lives, and I started referring to my stepmom as "mommy".
For you to understand a little more about me, you have to understand how I was raised. My stepmom was the primary caregiver & female role-model in my life. I was raised in a two-parent household (there were actually three different homes before I moved out); a stable, secure, loving home where we had chores, and rules, and friends felt comfortable. A home where I was taught how to change my own oil, clean a toilet, and cook a meal.
Spending time with my mother was so infrequent that it was more like a mini vacation -- dinners at nice restaurants, movies in the theater, trips to the mall for clothes, etc... My parents were the ones who came to my school events, conferences, practices, recitals, and games. My parents were the ones who helped with homework, and taught me how to care for myself & others. I preferred my "real life" to any time spent with my mother, and always looked forward to going back home.
When my mama was diagnosed with rectal cancer a couple years ago, I broke down crying. Obviously she's been the only woman in my life who's always been there for me, and her life was threatened... I was scared. Two summers ago, after her first round of treatment, and after she'd had some time to recover (and other family had come & gone for a visit), Ace and I went out there for five days. I had to see for myself that she was going to live; that I wasn't going to lose my mama any time soon.
I firmly believe that without her, my dad would not last long. I think with her diagnosis came that realization for dad, too, and he started to reevaluate. He put the campground on the market, and decided it was time to slow down. The campground hasn't sold yet, but part of his rental business did. They also started planning a trip out west.
Earlier this month, they flew from South Dakota to the tri-cities to visit T, D, Bug, & Firefly for a few days. Then, I got them for three & a half days. They went from here to northern California for a visit with DW, JH, and JH's fam (&, I think, got to meet DW's bf, J), then returned home. Over Xmas, they'll be visiting my 97 1/2 yo grandmother in Texas.
I've lived in this house almost 11 years, and they've never been here. The last time they were in my area was when MG & I were married (August of 1998); they were in southern Oregon in 2007 for T & D's wedding, too... That's a long time to be away from a growing area. Part of their visit included a little tour; a few things were still the same, but most had changed. Two that stood out for them -- the fairgrounds had a lot less trees, AND our old house had been remodeled, half the lot was sold & built on, and it's now for sale!
But, this trip was probably the most relaxed I've seen them in a long time. Dad took full advantage of my 60" flat-screen (& mildly irritating me with his non-stop FOXNEWS - haha), and mama was perfectly happy chatting, shopping, running errands, cooking with Princess, and just being part of our everyday lives for a few days.
Comments of note: "I love watching this." "Watching what?" "Just you guys... the way you are... it's nice." Then, later, "You guys are raising a pretty cool kid; and she's smart too! We all know what side of the family that comes from, huh?" Princess also noticed just how much I'm like my dad... his little sayings, some of his mannerisms, and some personality quirks. What I noticed is that if you flip the parentage, her upbringing is almost an exact replica of mine... and that's a good thing.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Another Season Done
Last night was the End Of Season party; ending Princess' 5th season of Fall Soccer (for the record, her BD showed for just two games). Judging by the last two weekends of game time, at least half the girls (as well as their parents) were ready for the season to be done two weeks ago.
The season was good; a lot more wins than losses, and even a couple ties (including a tie game with a highly-rated rec team!). There were only a couple of wet/muddy games, although many practices were on the nasty side...
This year was also the first time our team was asked to participate in a tournament; the only one of our city's "rec" league to be asked. The league also included "classic" (for you non-soccer-speaking readers, that means competitive level) city teams and a few from outlaying cities. We won the first game, tied the second (against a classic team, nonetheless), and lost the third.
My Princess never made a goal herself, but she had MANY assists and passes that ended with a goal for our side; Ace & I are SO proud of her. About mid-season, she started telling me she didn't want to play next season. Although disappointed, as long as she does something for regular exercise, that was fine with us. She may not be the best/fastest player, but she's still an asset to the team.
Two weeks ago, an email was sent out to all the players' families stating that the league is trying a Spring option. The commitment is less time and less money, and the players can use their same jerseys from Fall ball to play in the Spring. Princess was adamant about not playing... until we were on our way home from the party last night.
When we got home, I got her signed up. She's still insistent that she won't play in the Fall, but we'll see... In the meantime, we plan to enjoy the holiday season, then January starts her first season of indoor rec basketball!
The season was good; a lot more wins than losses, and even a couple ties (including a tie game with a highly-rated rec team!). There were only a couple of wet/muddy games, although many practices were on the nasty side...
This year was also the first time our team was asked to participate in a tournament; the only one of our city's "rec" league to be asked. The league also included "classic" (for you non-soccer-speaking readers, that means competitive level) city teams and a few from outlaying cities. We won the first game, tied the second (against a classic team, nonetheless), and lost the third.
My Princess never made a goal herself, but she had MANY assists and passes that ended with a goal for our side; Ace & I are SO proud of her. About mid-season, she started telling me she didn't want to play next season. Although disappointed, as long as she does something for regular exercise, that was fine with us. She may not be the best/fastest player, but she's still an asset to the team.
Two weeks ago, an email was sent out to all the players' families stating that the league is trying a Spring option. The commitment is less time and less money, and the players can use their same jerseys from Fall ball to play in the Spring. Princess was adamant about not playing... until we were on our way home from the party last night.
When we got home, I got her signed up. She's still insistent that she won't play in the Fall, but we'll see... In the meantime, we plan to enjoy the holiday season, then January starts her first season of indoor rec basketball!
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Feliz Cumpleaños
Today was Princess's 11th birthday. Unless you have children, you don't understand the blood, sweat, & tears that goes into planning -- even if the event is a "low key" one. Princess's birthday is usually spread out over a weekend or so, simply so she can have a party with her friends, do something in her classroom, have a family get together, and do something with Mimi. This year was no different... except it was.
I don't know why it hit me like it did this year, but when I dropped her off at school Thursday I saw in her face the teen she's becoming. I'm not complaining so much as stating a fact. And, it's not just her face... her whole outlook on life is changing. She's making more decisions on her own; she's pulling away from me more & more. Maybe I'm a little bit crazy, but in a way, I like it.
Don't get me wrong; she's still very much attached to me. But, she's starting to find herself, as well -- her own music, her own shows, her own opinions... I can have actual life conversations with her; not worrying I'm "going over her head".
To date, she has:
1. Chosen teaching as her future career. Now, I realize (of course) that this may (& probably will) change before she goes to college, but as of right now, she's had this plan since 2nd grade.
2. Chosen to adopt her future children. It used to be about the pain involved in child-birth, but evolved into realizing how many kids there are out there with shitty parents who need a good, loving home. Her own experiences have helped shape that view.
3. Chosen how we safely invest her money. Granted, we've only given her safe options to consider, and she knows there are not-so-safe ways to invest your money, too (like the stock market -- where we currently have about 10% of our worth invested). She has some in her savings, to spend on birthdays, Xmas, etc... The rest is invested in a CD at our credit union. She also, btw, chose how long to invest. Her exact words, "Mom, until the interest rates come back up, we're only doing a year at a time."
4. Decided that her college education comes before children. While she may get married while still in college, she "will not" (her insistence) have/adopt her children until she is done & has a good job to support those kids.
5. Decided that she'd like to stay living within a couple hours drive time from Ace & I. We would, I think, love that.
The point is not that she has her life kinda mapped out; obviously some or all of this could change in the next 7 - 10 years (or more, for that matter)... but having a plan and changing it to accommodate life is a better option than having no plan, and therefore, no direction.
And, really, all I wanted to say was this: I love my daughter with everything I have and more, and I couldn't be more proud of her than I am right now. Feliz Cumpleaños, mija. Te amo.
I don't know why it hit me like it did this year, but when I dropped her off at school Thursday I saw in her face the teen she's becoming. I'm not complaining so much as stating a fact. And, it's not just her face... her whole outlook on life is changing. She's making more decisions on her own; she's pulling away from me more & more. Maybe I'm a little bit crazy, but in a way, I like it.
Don't get me wrong; she's still very much attached to me. But, she's starting to find herself, as well -- her own music, her own shows, her own opinions... I can have actual life conversations with her; not worrying I'm "going over her head".
To date, she has:
1. Chosen teaching as her future career. Now, I realize (of course) that this may (& probably will) change before she goes to college, but as of right now, she's had this plan since 2nd grade.
2. Chosen to adopt her future children. It used to be about the pain involved in child-birth, but evolved into realizing how many kids there are out there with shitty parents who need a good, loving home. Her own experiences have helped shape that view.
3. Chosen how we safely invest her money. Granted, we've only given her safe options to consider, and she knows there are not-so-safe ways to invest your money, too (like the stock market -- where we currently have about 10% of our worth invested). She has some in her savings, to spend on birthdays, Xmas, etc... The rest is invested in a CD at our credit union. She also, btw, chose how long to invest. Her exact words, "Mom, until the interest rates come back up, we're only doing a year at a time."
4. Decided that her college education comes before children. While she may get married while still in college, she "will not" (her insistence) have/adopt her children until she is done & has a good job to support those kids.
5. Decided that she'd like to stay living within a couple hours drive time from Ace & I. We would, I think, love that.
The point is not that she has her life kinda mapped out; obviously some or all of this could change in the next 7 - 10 years (or more, for that matter)... but having a plan and changing it to accommodate life is a better option than having no plan, and therefore, no direction.
And, really, all I wanted to say was this: I love my daughter with everything I have and more, and I couldn't be more proud of her than I am right now. Feliz Cumpleaños, mija. Te amo.
Halloween Weekend
This past weekend was the first time Princess has not been with me for Halloween in many years. Since she is doing well in school, we allowed her to skip two days (Friday & Monday) to accompany my mother ("Mimi"), and mom's friend ("Meme") to Washington to spend time with her aunt, uncle, & two little cousins.
Among her highlights: Time with Bug & Firefly, helping Aunt D in the kitchen at an SCA event (her friend, B, also helped), corn maze w/the fam, & trick or treating w/most of the fam & B.
Meanwhile, Ace & I took the dogs & went to the beach. We did a lot of reading, fire- and storm-watching, and listening to music. Being at the beach lowers our blood pressure and it was nice to get away after the craziness of the kitchen remodel & soccer season. This was, technically, our (very) belated anniversary weekend; THAT weekend we were prepping the house for new flooring.
Everyone returned home Monday evening, and after unpacking, we all had a great sleep in our own beds.
Among her highlights: Time with Bug & Firefly, helping Aunt D in the kitchen at an SCA event (her friend, B, also helped), corn maze w/the fam, & trick or treating w/most of the fam & B.
Meanwhile, Ace & I took the dogs & went to the beach. We did a lot of reading, fire- and storm-watching, and listening to music. Being at the beach lowers our blood pressure and it was nice to get away after the craziness of the kitchen remodel & soccer season. This was, technically, our (very) belated anniversary weekend; THAT weekend we were prepping the house for new flooring.
Everyone returned home Monday evening, and after unpacking, we all had a great sleep in our own beds.
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